Time goes so fast. I’m not saying anything new here, it just hit me today. I have been struggling with the day-to-day of parenthood lately. I have never, ever been a routine person, so when routine sets in I go a little crazy. As we peek around the corner at spring and finish up a marathon of cold days inside - the get up, get ready, go to school, go to work, home, dinner, laundry, bedtime routine – I feel stuck and unproductive in the ordinary. Want to watch ANOTHER show today? yes. Want mac and cheese AGAIN for dinner. Yup, I’m over dinner.
I’m doing my best to be present, as I know it is important for my parenting journey. I do my best to practice compassion for myself. I do my best to know that I’m just doing my best. I just need to step back and enjoy these moments, right? Even if every moment seems hard or monotonous. We don’t get them back.
As I sat at my computer trying to get myself organized for the week ahead, I somehow landed at my daughter’s unfinished baby book, still in digital form. A beautiful and heart-wrenching look at her first year (or at least half of it) where a squishy baby with a toothless smile gleams at me through the computer. My tiny girl with a sweet sparkle in her eye. A girl that now has more sass than I ever knew could come from such a little person. A girl who is the most persistent human I have ever met, especially when it comes to chocolate and ice cream. A girl who challenges me every day to a point where I sometimes just give up.
Looking back on these baby photos, I kind of remember those days. I remember feeling guilty about missing time with my son who was adjusting to being a big brother. I remember nursing non-stop, and doing my best to actually sleep and eat. I remember adjusting to two children was exhausting and challenging. I also remember the joy of our daughter completing our family. Tiny girl clothes, and soft pink blankets, and a little peanut wrapped and snuggled against my chest. I remember some of it, and most of it I don’t. And for a moment tonight, while reflecting on those days, I was heartbroken that it went so quickly. Where did all of those moments go? Ordinary moments that make up our days, and weeks, and months, and will eventually add up to our entire journey.
But after giving myself a moment to grieve that time, I decided to shift my perspective and be reminded again – just be present. Reminded that is is every reason to continue my effort in conscious parenting and that It won’t always be perfect or easy. It reminds me to revel in the small stuff - because it’s all small stuff - and eventually I will forget it. It reminds me that every stage is hard. And wonderful. And if anything, for a day or two this reflection will help me wake up and not just get through the day, but experience it…even if I can’t stand the routine. This reminder likely won’t last forever, but will hopefully get me through until the next reminder just waiting for me to stumble upon it.
We all have our ups and downs as parents. Even with all of the tools in the world, that’s just the reality. So find reminders to do your best, despite imperfection. Find your reminder in ordinary moments and keep going.
What’s your reminder? #ordinarymomentsaremagical